Imagine this: you’re 10 years old again, sitting at the dinner table. The air is thick with tension, everyone is choosing their words carefully—if they speak at all.

You can feel it, that undercurrent of anxiety, the one that makes your stomach knot and your heart race. You know what’s coming, but you don’t know when. Maybe a slammed door, a raised voice, or the silent treatment that lasts for days. You learned early on what it feels like to walk on eggshells, to anticipate the next blowup before it happens, to shrink yourself until you’re invisible in hopes of keeping the peace.

That was your normal. And now, as an adult, you see the echoes of that chaos in your own life. Maybe in your relationships, in your own parenting, or in the way you guard your heart.

But here’s the thing: you’re not destined to repeat that story. You’re a cycle-breaker, someone determined to heal from the trauma of the past and create a healthier, more loving future for yourself and the family you’re creating.

But wait – What exactly is a Cycle-Breaker and how do you know if you are one??

Let me explain below:

1. You Recognize the Unhealthy Patterns from Your Childhood

You’re the one in your family who always felt like something wasn’t right. Maybe you didn’t know exactly what wasn’t right, but you know things didn’t feel right most of the time. Perhaps your parents were emotionally unpredictable—one moment they were loving, the next they were distant or angry. Or maybe they were neglectful, leaving you to fend for yourself when you needed help. As a child, you may have thought that was just how life was supposed to be. But now, you see it for what it was: chaos, trauma, and emotional neglect.

Acknowledging that your childhood wasn’t ideal doesn’t mean you’re blaming anyone— there may even be a part of you that is empathic toward the hardships that your parents experienced in their own childhood. Yet you still know that how you were raised wasn’t right. Being a cycle-breaker is about understanding where those deep-rooted wounds come from: generations and generations of unhealthy relationships passed down from parent to child.

According to research, relational trauma from childhood often results in challenges with emotional regulation and forming secure attachments as adults (Bosmans & Borelli, Brain Sciences, 2022), and recognizing those patterns is the first step in healing from relational trauma. It’s an empowering moment when you realize: “I don’t have to live like this anymore.”

2. You’re Learning to Set Boundaries (Even Though It Feels Uncomfortable)

Growing up in a chaotic home likely meant your family didn’t have many boundaries, or when you tried to set them, they were ignored. Maybe your parents didn’t respect your privacy or your emotional space, or you felt like you had to take care of them, always putting their needs above your own.

As an adult, setting boundaries might feel foreign or even wrong at times. You might worry about being perceived as selfish or unloving. But the truth is, boundaries are an essential part of healing. They’re a way of protecting your emotional energy and ensuring that the relationships in your life are respectful.

Setting boundaries is far from easy, and you may feel guilt, shame, or remorse at first; But each time you say “no” or advocate for your needs in a relationship, you’re taking one more step toward breaking the cycle of dysfunction.

(Interested in going on a deep-dive in learning to set boundaries with your family? Nedra Tawwab has a great book called, “Drama Free” that you can check out).

3. You’re Committed to Parenting Differently (Or Planning To)

Whether you’re already a parent or thinking about becoming one in the future, one thing is clear—you’re determined to raise your children differently from how you were raised. Let me be clear – this is NO easy task and I commend you for making this your goal. Cycle-breakers have the hard job of not only healing their own relational trauma but also learning how to have healthy, respectful relationships and role model this as parents to their children.

But trust me – It’s SO worth it to go on this journey. You will find that being a cycle-breaker will help you and your children be seen, and supported in ways you never were. No more walking on eggshells, no more wondering when the next emotional blow-up will happen…

Cycle-breakers make a conscious effort to parent with empathy, understanding, and stability. You’ve likely spent time reading books or learning about how to be a better parent, or maybe you’re in therapy yourself, doing the inner work necessary to ensure that you don’t repeat the patterns you grew up with (if you’re not, we can help with that). According to research, parents who heal their own trauma are better equipped to foster secure attachments with their children, leading to healthier emotional development (Bird, Pickard, & Risi, Public Library of Science, 2021).

You’re showing up for your kids in ways that break the chain of emotional neglect or manipulation, and that’s a powerful step in healing your family’s future.

4. You’re Healing Your Own Emotional Wounds (Self-Care Becomes a Priority)

For most of your life, you may have been focused on surviving. You didn’t have time or space to think about your own needs because you were too busy navigating the landmines around you. But now, you’re starting to realize that healing your own emotional wounds is not only important, it’s essential. You’re learning that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Maybe you’ve started therapy, journaling, or exploring mindfulness practices to help you process the pain from your past. You’re actively working on healing, knowing that in order to show up as your best self for your partner, your children, or even just for yourself, you have to confront and process the trauma that shaped you.

Healing from relational trauma is a journey, but with every step you take—whether it’s learning to express your emotions, advocate for your needs, set healthier boundaries, or practicing vulnerability in your relationships—you’re breaking the cycle and healing from relational trauma. You’re creating a new path for yourself, one that’s defined by security, freedom, connection, and unconditional love.

The Truth? You Have the Power to Break the Cycle and Heal

Healing from relational trauma isn’t an easy journey, but the fact that you’re reading this right now is a sign that you’re already doing the work. You’re committed to changing the narrative, to creating a life and relationships that are free from the chaos and pain of the past.

It’s not too late to heal. It’s never too late to break the cycle.

Let us help you on your path to healing. Our team of therapists is here to guide you through the process of breaking free from the trauma of the past and building the healthy, fulfilling relationships you deserve. Book your session today and take the next step in your healing journey.